A buddy of mine from grad school recently sent a note to me and invited my thoughts. I am going to first reprint it without any interjections then do a second reprint, this time with my comments in-between his writing. His piece follows.
I had a two-on-one meeting after school this past week with African-American parents of a senior of mine who wanted guidance on helping their daughter – a senior – choose the right college. The dad graduated from a large public university, I don’t believe the mother graduated from college. I didn’t tell them this for obvious reasons, but I am biased against large public universities for undergraduate studies for just about any student. The parents are dead set on sending their daughter to a large public university (a different university than the one her father graduated from). In many ways, I am very anti-large public college. Other than resources, most large universities offer very little when compared with the small private colleges, and usually their culture is not conducive to success for students and families unfamiliar with “the game.” Having graduated from a large public university myself – and being very satisfied with my own personal experience – does not change my opinion. Sending a first generation college student – or any student without a solid family support – to a large university and you’re stacking the odds against the child that they’ll ever graduate. We – high school counselors – spend so much time helping kids get into college, we don’t prepare them so that they succeed in college and graduate. And I’m not talking about preparing kids academically. It’s the social adjustment of being placed into a “melting pot” at a large university where if you’re not white (if it’s the traditional large university) and come from a family with financial security, then you’re going to struggle to fit in. The situation is a little different, I would guess, if a student is not first generation college student or if a student comes from a strong, nuclear family. Otherwise, and this is a huge category of kids, then send your kids to a smaller, private college where individuals can have a greater impact on the culture of the institution, and you’re not as much at the mercy of “the machine.” Besides, the education at smaller colleges is better in many cases. I know that this isn’t fact, but my biased opinion. And it’s an opinion that I don’t share with my colleagues or my students/families, although I do offer up a more tempered viewpoint when the appropriate moment comes along. I never steer a kid away from a big university if that’s where their heart is. But many times it’s like a person buying their first house when they’ve done all the research and looked at pictures of the house, but they’ve never taken a walk-through in the house, and – most important – they don’t have family who can guide them to know what to look for and what questions to ask.
So now you’ve read this and, hopefully, understand what he is saying, I am going to re-engage with aspects of the piece interjecting my comments. I will italicize mine so that the call and response will be clear to the reader.
I had a two-on-one meeting after school this past week with African-American parents of a senior of mine who wanted guidance on helping their daughter – a senior – choose the right college. The dad graduated from a large public university, I don’t believe the mother graduated from college.
Two things right away; (a) That you’re are having the conversation and the type of conversation you were having suggests that this child is way ahead of the curve. I have worked in the environment too long. This is not a regular occurrence. This parent is ahead of the game. (b) That the dad is a graduate…that dad graduated, makes this child second-generation. This means that, at least, one of her parents knows ACT, FAFSA, proper sequencing of classes, how to get in the school and defend his daughter, a sense of good teachers versus bad teachers… This child is way ahead of the curve.
I didn’t tell them this for obvious reasons, but I am biased against large public universities for undergraduate studies for just about any student. The parents are dead set on sending their daughter to a large public university (a different university than the one her father graduated from). In many ways, I am very anti-large public college. Other than resources, most large universities offer very little when compared with the small private colleges, and usually their culture is not conducive to success for students and families unfamiliar with “the game.” Having graduated from a large public university myself – and being very satisfied with my own personal experience – does not change my opinion. Sending a first generation college student – or any student without a solid family support – to a large university and you’re stacking the odds against the child that they’ll ever graduate.
Large universities are good for what large universities are good for. There is a list of the universities that have placed the most people in the high tiers of the corporate and political world…the world that runs things. The list opens with the Harvards, the Yales, and then moves in to the Northwesterns, the Michigans, the Purdues and some of the other large public universities. So if you can’t get your child into the Harvards or the Yales, there is tremendous prestige and promise in getting him/her into the Mighigans and the Ohio States. It is like loading the lottery. If you graduate from one of these high-profile universities, (a) there is a perception of the type and quality of education you’ve attained (true or not) and (b) there is a higher likelihood of your getting to the front of the hiring line. There are some great private schools in Northern Minnesota. There is one that I know of in Iowa. There are a few in Boston, and another in upstate New York. There are the William & Marys of the world and the Carletons. The truth is that only the parents who know and/or socialize with other parents who know, will know. Our first-generation parents (both foreign and domestic) do not know that these places exist. Note that I have not even spoken about the historically black college and university (HBCU) and the utility of that experience to the academic maturity of the black student. That, and the fact that the HBCU does not (regardless of capability) market effectively to anywhere beyond their geography and knowledge base, is a whole other discussion. Let me not stray too far afield.
A recent estimate suggested that the salary of the person charged with management of Harvard’s endowment was larger than the endowments of the 10 largest HBCUs combined. Let’s be real! Which schools get marketed? Which schools have the financial support and the alumni network to challenge, financially, for the best teachers, the best researchers, the best facilities? Which schools can afford to send recruiters? Which schools do you see running out of the tunnels on football Saturday morning? Which schools have the best basketball recruitment programs? Which schools do the scouts follow? Which schools sound better when I tell my friends that my son/daughter is going to “blah-de-blah” university? Parents don’t know what they don’t know and, sadly, the vast majority of counselors that I have witnessed working with these families seem locked in to the large university syndrome. They, themselves, participate in it. It is part of the larger culture. It is what I see on tv.
We – high school counselors – spend so much time helping kids get into college, we don’t prepare them so that they succeed in college and graduate.
We (counselors) do not see this as our responsibility. The student-university match is the prime algorithm for success or failure. We (counselors) get neither credit nor blame for a student’s success or failure at the college level. Academic preparedness or lack thereof does not fall at the feet of the counselor, and social-emotional preparedness is rarely part of the discourse. Not that we don’t look at it, but we are trying to get this kid prepared for college or into college, and, if parents are involved, taking the lead of the parents…not from the parents.
At the college level we talk about the need for remedial Math and English, and the low success rates of our Black and Latino students despite these opportunities. We see the remedial courses as an opportunity. We quarrel about how ill-prepared these students are, and what are they teaching these kids nowadays. We see the disproportional failure rates, despite the opportunity, as an indictment of parents, the K-12 system, the culture, anything other than what we do. From our perspective, we are doing the best we can and these children are not coming to college prepared. Why? We look to the left. We do not look to the right. And we definitely do not look in the mirror.
Now, once you release the student to us, and we accept him or her, you (naturally) move on to your next group of chickens. You’ve sent these on to fly. You don’t look back to see which ones went “bump in the night!”
And I’m not talking about preparing kids academically. It’s the social adjustment of being placed into a “melting pot” at a large university where if you’re not white (if it’s the traditional large university) and come from a family with financial security, then you’re going to struggle to fit in.
Kill the “melting pot” idea. Nice concept. Not real.
Here is a joke for you. “Fitting in” is not what my successful students do. I have found that students who try to “fit in” tend to “fall out.” This is particularly true for my first-generation students. Second generation students whose parents have learned and taught how to negotiate and navigate tend to fare much better. First generation students tend to struggle when they attempt to fit-into or with the environment. In fact, my studies show that first-generation students do much better when they form an enclave…a space that allows and promotes social and emotional centeredness. For some this was a religious brotherhood. For others this was a social retreat. What the students that I studied told me was that they figured out where and from whom to get their needs met, engaged in satisfying those needs, and retreated to their space of comfort. Notice how you don’t see very many Black kids at the football games, or the basketball games. They will stay at home and watch it on television. They will not go to the games. Part of that is comfort. Part of that is identification with self. Right now being seen up in the stands is not a great identification with self. But that too is another conversation for another day.
I am going to run a brief study on these kids who attend these Saturday morning games and tell you the results. Stay tuned.
The situation is a little different, I would guess, if a student is not first generation college student or if a student comes from a strong, nuclear family.
It’s a bit more nuanced that that, but that’s cool. First-generation and nuclear bring different issues to the table (immigrant status, history of move from extended family toward nuclear unit status, etc.). And that this child came from a strong nuclear unit does offer great strengths!
Then send your kids to a smaller, private college where individuals can have a greater impact on the culture of the institution, and you’re not as much at the mercy of “the machine.” Besides, the education at smaller colleges is better in many cases. I know that this isn’t fact, but my biased opinion. And it’s an opinion that I don’t share with my colleagues or my students/families, although I do offer up a more tempered viewpoint when the appropriate moment comes along. I never steer a kid away from a big university if that’s where their heart is. But many times it’s like a person buying their first house when they’ve done all the research and looked at pictures of the house, but they’ve never taken a walk-through in the house, and – most important – they don’t have family who can guide them to know what to look for and what questions to ask.
They might be in the wrong neighborhood. That’s why you stay quiet. They want to move into the middle-class neighborhood, and who does not. How would it look if you were to be seen as guiding your students away from the middle-class neighborhood? Not too good – huh? What if there were other middle-class neighborhoods? Even better, what if it would make more sense to purchase a first house? You know those houses that are your first-homes? You build equity while saving for your second home? But if these kids, particularly first-generation kids, are never educated about the options, then their parents will never know. You cannot educate a first-generation parent about this. This parent depends on you. You educate the child. And you don’t educate the child as a senior. That’s kind of late, don’t you think?
Thank you so much for your wonderful and thought-provoking comments. Keep writing.
I don’t know If I said it already but …Hey good stuff…keep up the good work! 🙂 I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say I’m glad I found your blog. Thanks,)
A definite great read..Jim Bean
Thank you. I am back on the horse. Thank you.